Dragon’s Heart Guitar Picks: Promoting Awesomeness and Extraterrestrial Relations

Supporting the Arts

A consistent supply of Dragon’s Heart Guitar Picks would ensure that I never run out of picks at the crucial moment, increasing the output of awesomeness and reducing the risk of suckage-ness. Yes, I made that up. Possibly. But it could prevent the unthinkable situation of reaching for another, less superior brand of pick just before recording that all-important bass line. It could avoid the dreaded situation of “first take suckage”. Okay, I may have just made that up as well, but this theoretically could be followed by “second take suckage” and could even make a musician question their musical ability, their songwriting ability, and in turn, their entire existence.

A Dragon’s Heart Guitar Pick, however, makes the strings sound fatter, chunkier and more defined. All my takes flow with zero suckage and practice is a breeze. Songs are written, art is created, and all is well in the world. Songs that may never have existed are brought into the world due to the ease and general awesomeness of Dragon’s Heart Guitar Picks.

Imagine if I had been in that unfortunate situation to be recording with another, unmentionable pick. The result would have been a thinner, clackier sound with less definition and more chance of slippage due to sweaty fingers. This brings me to my next point: safety.

Safety

Sometimes, while playing a crazy fast bass or guitar line, there are certain safety hazards to consider. The pick can slip out of your hand, ricocheting off your fretboard and before you know it, this ninja-star of doom is careering towards the side of the singer’s head. It could embed itself in the sound desk, thus preventing a solo boost at the crucial moment. It could fall into a jug of water or beer, thus getting lodged in a roadie’s throat, or it could land in the kick drum skin, causing a rattle that throws off the upcoming half-time section. The list is endless.

Supplying me with a lifetime of Dragon’s Heart Guitar Picks could prevent all that – easing the safety concerns of all involved while providing reliable, replicable results with solid grips and consistent quality.

Supporting Extraterrestrial Trade

It’s possible that Dragon’s Heart Guitar Picks are made with alien technology. I don’t have any proof to support this theory, but think about it – they’re stronger than any other pick out there. The recipe is closely guarded and the process is lengthy and involved. It’s all very mysterious. But what if there was more to this story?

What if, in some secret hangar in Area 51, there resided the alien technology that was used as the basis for making Dragon’s Heart Guitar Picks? In that case, my consistent use of Dragon’s Heart Guitar Picks would not only be supporting both extraterrestrial and terrestrial employment, but would also serve to strengthen extraterrestrial trade relations. And that’s got to be a good thing, especially when it comes to strategic alliances in the future.

Band Relations

Situation 1: You’re in a van. The gig is starting in two hours and all the music shops are closed. The only picks on hand are an inferior brand, their former sleek points worn to rounded nubs. To improve morale, you lick one of your picks and stick it to your forehead. Before anyone can crack a smile, it loses traction, slips and falls off, bouncing behind one of the seats. At the gig, the band plays as well as possible under the circumstances, but the constant movement of picks begins to take a toll until you look down to find you are playing with the wrong corner because it’s the only sharp point you can find. The singer cries, the drummer puts his head through the snare drum in frustration and nobody speaks for the next leg of the journey.

Situation 2: You’re in the van, the gig is starting in two hours and, thanks to your lifetime supply of Dragon’s Heart Guitar Picks, everyone is in good spirits. To boost morale, you lick your Dragon’s Heart Guitar Pick and stick it to your forehead. The pick stays put. The drummer laughs, the guitarist takes a photo and you post it on Instagram and get 1500 likes before the gig even begins. The gig rocks, the picks stay where they’re supposed to, and everyone plays to their optimum ability. Someone records the gig on their iPhone, posts it to YouTube and your next gig is packed. The publican is elated and invites you back, the singer and the guitarist are so inspired that they write another five songs, and the drummer plays along in the van with his thankfully, still intact snare drum.

It’s clear to see the impact that a lifetime supply of Dragon’s Heart Guitar Picks could make. On making this decision, the folks at Dragon’s Heart Guitar Picks could rest easy in the knowledge that they are supporting the arts, increasing song output, improving musician safety, supporting extraterrestrial research and trade, and improving band relations.

This provides the unique opportunity to reduce suckage, preserve snare drums, and keep the aliens happy.

The choice, my friends, is up to you. 

Lata Phoenix

#GPFL2017